


I can still feel your presence

by DovahCourts



Series: Don't Go [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Dean Winchester, Dead Castiel (Supernatural), Depressed Dean Winchester, Gen, M/M, Sad Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 02:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17479379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovahCourts/pseuds/DovahCourts
Summary: Takes place afterPlease don't take my Sunshine away





	I can still feel your presence

**Author's Note:**

> Italics+bold = Thoughts  
> Italics+underline = Mouthing words

> _'Cause I still feel your presence_  
>  _Flowing through my veins_  
>  _I can only blame so much_  
>  _On my fucked up brain_

___

It has been 2 months since Castiel died.

Liquids fell into Dean's throat as he took another shot of beer, next to him was a picture, of him, Sam...and Castiel.  
Tears fell down his face as his throat bubbled, trying not to cry.  
But it was hard, he had feelings for Castiel; he knew his brother felt the same for the Angel.  
  He was going to confess, truly but- it was too late.  
_**I was too much of a bitch, I could've confessed, but I didn't;**_ Dean thought, taking another swig.  
Sadness built up too much, he kept it in for too long.

Finally, he let out a choked sob, turns out; drinking your feelings away doesn't work.   
  "Sammy, I could've saved him,  _we_ could've saved him!" Dean said between hiccups and sobs, Sam looked at his brother with pity.  
 "I know Dean..." he replied, resting a hand on Dean's shoulder, trying to comfort him, "I know.."   
Sam looked to see empty bottles of beer and empty flasks; "Dean...why don't we visit Cass?" asked the taller Winchester.

Dean let out a quiet nod, setting down his bottle; grabbing the picture and stuffing it in his pocket.  
_________  
The brothers step foot into the clearing, where Castiel fell; and died, there- in his place, was a gravestone, lying in the grass.  
  Dean set down a flower, wiping away tears.  
"H-hey Cass." he sniffed, brushing his fingers against the stone.  
"I know--I know you can't hear me, but- I miss you, and--and so does Sam. We miss you, Cass, I- I don't know how much longer I can last without you." anther sniff "God was supposed to bring you back, but He didn't. But d-don't worry Cass. I'll find Him....me and Sammy will."  
"Dean...the amulet won't even work-" Sam was cut off when his brother stood up suddenly.  
"It  _will_ work. I'll make it work." Dean said, walking back to the Impala.

 Sam turned over to Cass’s grave, he decided to place down something; an enamel.   
Shaped as an Anti-possession symbol, with four wings around it.    
Two above the symbol and two below it, it was supposed to be a gift.

But, like said before..it was too late.

Too late for Dean’s sorry’s, too late for Sam to hug Castiel, too late for Dean to forgive and forget, too late for Sam and Cass to go hunting like they used to.  
Too late for everything, and because of that.  
Dean Winchester broke, when Castiel died his heart sank and shattered.  
  
 Without a chance of saying goodbye when he was alive.

Dean cursed at God, cursed at everybody at fault besides his brother.  
 Dean cursed at himself for being such a shitty friend.  
Dean cursed at himself for treating Cass like shit.

.......

Dean drove off when Sam got into the Impala, driving back to the Bunker.

_________

Dean walked into Castiel’s empty room, he softly drove his fingers against the soft linen blanket of the unused bed.  
  He remembers Castiel only using the bed to lie down and read a book.  
He remembers...

Remembers...

................

He remembers Castiel, sitting down on the bed.  
He remembers Cass was fiddling with something in his hand.  
He remembers realizing it was an old picture of him, Sam, John, and Mary.  
He remembers getting mad and yelling at Castiel, because it was an old photo that wasn't meant to be touched.  
He remembers Cass saying S _orry_ in his usual calm voice.  
He remembers.....  
He doesn't remember forgiving Castiel..

Dean let out broken sobs that were choked, turned around to glance at Castiel's trenchcoat, he held it up against his hands and clenched it.  
Bringing it up against his face, just wanting to feel the presence of the angel.  
He wants to hear Castiel say  _It's going to be alright_    
He wants to hear a  _Don't be sad, Dean_

He wants to hear them but he can't, not anymore.

Because of him being so fucked up, Dean blamed himself for Castiel's death.  
  If...if he had just known that the angels would fall, he wouldn't let Cass go.  
He would've prevented something.  
He would still have the angel he loved, but never cherished enough.

Dean wished he could've held on to Castiel when he was alive, just...one last time.  
That's all he's asking for, just to hold his angel.  
  To tell him _I'm sorry_  
  To tell him  _I forgive you_  
  To tell him  _Don't go, please  
_   To tell him  _I love you_

 

  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry of this is short!  
> I almost cried while writing this


End file.
